Dragon Shirts and lots of them!

There comes a point in life when a friend (well hopefully not a good friend) or acquaintance approaches you wearing a garish silk shirt with a dragon design on it. This friend will then attempt to draw attention to said shirt, even though your attention is no doubt focused squarely on it already, and brag that he just bought it for $50 with the kind of naive pride that makes your skin crawl off your body and slither under a nearby rock to die. It is as if he expects his shirt to give you a massive fire-shooting dragon boner right then and there. In these dark moments you will undoubtedly be unable to feign enthusiasm, yet too cowardly to tell him how stupid the shirt looks. "Wow" or "that's an expensive shirt" are common diplomatic responses.

If you yourself are the unfortunate individual wearing said shirt, be it silk button-down or plain-T, I hold a great amount of pity for you. I would really like to sit down with you and see if I couldn't get a deep, insightful look into what would possess you to actually spend American money on such a product.

It seems to be widely accepted that dragon shirts are really lame, yet each year, literally dozens of people purchase these shirts for some inexplicable reason. In this post, I seek to discover why.


A Brief History of the Dragon Shirt:

Dragon shirts depict dragons, which are mythological beasts prevalent in the histories of a multitude of cultures. Dragons are more famous in Asian cultures, but let us not forget their role in European culture as well. Myths of brave knights slaying dragon still echo through time, causing feedback in the great sound system of history. Naturally these gigantic beasts were often brought to life in a variety of artistic mediums including outer-wear because, well, actual physical proof of their existence is quite vacant.
A thousand or so years later some jerk got the idea to put pictures of dragons on shirts, thus concluding our brief history of dragon shirts and bringing us to the contemporary era.

Today, overweight males with bad haircuts are the primary wearers of dragon shirts. Simple research into the field of dragon shirt sales will show you that these shirts are often sold in sizes XL, XXL, XXXL, and MCMXCVIII. There is also a disturbingly high correlation between dragon shirt ownership and novelty katana ownership. Whether there is a valid relationship has yet to be proven.

Why Would Someone Wear One?

The reasons as to why some people wear dragon shirts have been elusive to most researchers, however two broad characteristics define dragon shirt wearers: A complete lack of self-esteem, or a lethal abundance of self-esteem. In either case wearing dragon shirts only furthers the problem without coming close to helping it.


In summary, there is no known logical reason for anyone to wear a shirt with a dragon on it.

However, there have been a few very interesting statistics gathered: In 2008, the United States Census Bureau began asking residents questions about dragon shirt ownership. This is what they learned:

65% of dragon shirt wearers have ponytails.
49% have terminal neckbeards.
67% have been to an anime convention.
67% reported experiencing true happiness for the first time at an anime convention.
26% believe that they actually are a dragon on the inside.
12% own motorcycles and are over 50.
87% of people that own a dragon shirt own another dragon shirt.
100% of dragon shirt wearers are lame.

I hope this update has been informative and enlightening, perhaps making it easier for you to cope with a friend or loved one foolishly donning a dragon shirt. If you are wearing a dragon shirt while reading this, I plead with you to take it off and discard it immediately. I also plead with you to immediately put on another shirt, because chances are your bare chest is unpleasant to look at.