So, being a guy, I have noticed that there is a large difference between guys and girls, a shock I know. Nowhere are these differences more pronounced than in the college setting. I'm sure most of you reading this can readily identify the examples I give:
1. Putting a string of initials at the bottom of your AIM profile: Yes we all know you girls have lots of friends and confidants, lots of extra-special people who mean a lot to you. Obviously, in your minds the best way to express this is by listing all of their initials, in some sort of secret code. Not only that, it's always in some loopy-ass font, and God forbid someone turns bitch on you...so long their initials! I am also curious how the decision is made as to who is included. I'm sure that people know who your friends are, and you know who your friends are. I am pretty sure that guys don't need to see their initials in someone's profile to know they are friends.
2. EVERYTHING seems to "equal love": This one drives me crazy. Whether it be the caption for pictures of suitemates together on Facebook, some cryptic shout-out in your AIM profile, or any shitty sign that is put up in your room, somehow they all look like this "308A = love" or "7/23/07 = love" or "T.R., F.P., L.T., E.C. = love." This is absolute nonsense, especially since in many cases the people involved are not even friends, but in the example of say, suitemates, are girls acting like they are best friends with these random individuals and therefore the people have somehow become physical manifestations of love. I'm pretty sure guys don't write things like "2006 intramural floor hockey = love."
3. Many of you don't seem to know exactly how to wear clothes that fit: Is it really that hard to know whether or not you should be wearing a body-clinging tanktop, or a super low-cut shirt? for many of you, the answer is YES. To avoid being mean, let's just say that many of you should dress to flatter your body, not betray it. I don't see most obese dudes wearing half shirts and low-rise jeans. This is because they know that they look RIDICULOUS. Just because clothes are fashionable, doesn't mean they are for everyone. It is embarassing for you and all of your friends to dress in this manner. I am not advocating that all girls need to be stick thin or anything like that. People come in all shapes and sizes, so it is important to know how to dress for your particular size and shape. I wouldn't wear a skin-tight hollister shirt, because I would look disgusting. So, ladies, remember that the next time you attempt to squeeze into clothing made for 12 year olds.
These are just a few examples. Tomorrow I will discuss some of the annoying things that my fellow guys do that piss me off, and embarrass my gender.
Peace Love and Understanding
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Rookie of the Year TV Show
For those of us lucky enough to have seen "Rookie of the Year" the characters of George and Clark became symbols of awesomeness. If you have not seen the movie, you will have no idea what this post is about. For those of you who have, you are about to read my proposed pilot episode for a spin-off show starring George and Clark after the movie is over.
So here is the premise of the Adventures of George and Clark, please respond.
Scene: The woods where the boys work of the boat. In the film, George obviously was the Alpha-Male, and he stepped on Clark's ideas a lot. Clark is fed up.
George: Clark, where is the boat? did someone steal it?
Clark: No, George
George: What? then where is it??
Clark: I sank it, actually
George: What?? we spent months working on that boat!! what is wrong with you??
Clark: I have had enough, George. You almost ruined our friendship with Henry, alsmot ruined his chances of getting with Becky Franker, who is now in the hospital with butt cancer. Nice job, jerk. And you know what else? you treat me like garbage. You step on everything I have to say.
George (fuming): I swear to God, Clark--
Clark: Oh,threats again, George? hahaha..I don't think you will ever make fun of my stringy, girlish hair again. I don't think you will make fun of my ugly snaggle tooth, or my complete lack of baseball talent. I don't think you will ever make fun of my dad for being a barrel maker, more commonly known as a cooper. This is it, George. things are going to change.
George: Cut the crap, Clark. get into that pond and swim to the bottom, and I want to you to bring the boat back, piece by piece. I am not messing around this time, Flark. yeah that's right. I called you Flark. And if you don't like it, I have ways of making you.
Clark: haha, oh, not this time, George. (pulls out gun)
George: you can't hurt steel (flexes)
Clark: strike three george...you're out (shoots him).
(the song "Dreamweaver" begins to play. Montage begins, featuring George playing pranks on Clark, like making him hit himself, giving him swirlies, laughing at the burial of Clark's pet goldfish, filling his locker with medical waste, and covering Clark's bedroom with mayonaise. when the montage ends, George stands up, apparantly the bullet had missed.)
George: hey man. we need to combine our insecurities and general mediocrity in a mediocre movie, and use it for good. Remember Jack, Henry's Mom's old boyfriend? Let's set his house on fire!
Clark: Sure, George! sounds like a plan...buddy!
(they high-five. Cut to Jack's house burning, and George and Clark running away in a comical fashion, with the Rookie of the Year song playing).
The end.
Peace Love and Understanding
So here is the premise of the Adventures of George and Clark, please respond.
Scene: The woods where the boys work of the boat. In the film, George obviously was the Alpha-Male, and he stepped on Clark's ideas a lot. Clark is fed up.
George: Clark, where is the boat? did someone steal it?
Clark: No, George
George: What? then where is it??
Clark: I sank it, actually
George: What?? we spent months working on that boat!! what is wrong with you??
Clark: I have had enough, George. You almost ruined our friendship with Henry, alsmot ruined his chances of getting with Becky Franker, who is now in the hospital with butt cancer. Nice job, jerk. And you know what else? you treat me like garbage. You step on everything I have to say.
George (fuming): I swear to God, Clark--
Clark: Oh,threats again, George? hahaha..I don't think you will ever make fun of my stringy, girlish hair again. I don't think you will make fun of my ugly snaggle tooth, or my complete lack of baseball talent. I don't think you will ever make fun of my dad for being a barrel maker, more commonly known as a cooper. This is it, George. things are going to change.
George: Cut the crap, Clark. get into that pond and swim to the bottom, and I want to you to bring the boat back, piece by piece. I am not messing around this time, Flark. yeah that's right. I called you Flark. And if you don't like it, I have ways of making you.
Clark: haha, oh, not this time, George. (pulls out gun)
George: you can't hurt steel (flexes)
Clark: strike three george...you're out (shoots him).
(the song "Dreamweaver" begins to play. Montage begins, featuring George playing pranks on Clark, like making him hit himself, giving him swirlies, laughing at the burial of Clark's pet goldfish, filling his locker with medical waste, and covering Clark's bedroom with mayonaise. when the montage ends, George stands up, apparantly the bullet had missed.)
George: hey man. we need to combine our insecurities and general mediocrity in a mediocre movie, and use it for good. Remember Jack, Henry's Mom's old boyfriend? Let's set his house on fire!
Clark: Sure, George! sounds like a plan...buddy!
(they high-five. Cut to Jack's house burning, and George and Clark running away in a comical fashion, with the Rookie of the Year song playing).
The end.
Peace Love and Understanding
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Back at School/ Summer is Over
So here I am, back at Geneseo finally updating my blog for all 4 of my readers.
It is nice to be back, especially since this summer was a bit on the lame side. My co-workers this year were mostly lame, either self-important blow-hards, bland losers, or a mix of the two. Only a handful were any fun at all. On top of that, the summer started with me choking on a piece of cottonwood and almost dying. Anyway I am back at school after the host of well-meaning goodbyes from co-workers who say hilarious things like "O Yeah I'll definitely come visit! Whooo road trip!" Well, I'll believe that when I see it folks. Regardless it is very exciting to be back at school, and if people did come visit that would be even better.
Have a good year, kids
next post is of my proposed TV show based on the movie "Rookie of the Year"
Peace Love and Understanding
It is nice to be back, especially since this summer was a bit on the lame side. My co-workers this year were mostly lame, either self-important blow-hards, bland losers, or a mix of the two. Only a handful were any fun at all. On top of that, the summer started with me choking on a piece of cottonwood and almost dying. Anyway I am back at school after the host of well-meaning goodbyes from co-workers who say hilarious things like "O Yeah I'll definitely come visit! Whooo road trip!" Well, I'll believe that when I see it folks. Regardless it is very exciting to be back at school, and if people did come visit that would be even better.
Have a good year, kids
next post is of my proposed TV show based on the movie "Rookie of the Year"
Peace Love and Understanding
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