Yesterday, we discussed great songs for walking. Today, we will discuss songs that are perfect for training, preparing for a big game, or getting excited about a major event. The songs that follow are a sampling of what you can use in any of these situations.
"Sleep Now in the Fire" by Rage Against The Machine: This is a perfect pumped-up song, as it has all the neccessary factors, including pounding drums, an up-temp catchy guitar riff, and screamed vocals. Everything about this song gets you pumped: when the bass slides in after the intro riff, when that crazy guitar effect kicks in at the end...everything. This one is a gem. However, pretty much every Rage songs follows this formula, and therefore are all suitable to get pumped up to, especially "Killing in the Name Of" "Bulls on Parade" "Testify" and "Guerilla Radio."
"Song 2" by Blur: Even though this was an honerable mention in the Most Overplayed list, this song is another perfect getting pumped song. The opening drum beat gets you ready to go, thats where you jump up and down in place. Then the clean riff, thats where you roll your neck and shake your hands out, Then the distorted riff: one of the most glorious moments in music, featuring perhaps the dumbest, simplist and most brilliant choruses ever: 'whoo-hoo.' as simple as that, and as awesome as that. At that moment you burst into action, and usually fight people and stuff.
"Go With the Flow" by Queens of the Stone Age: Thus songs wastes no time and kicks your ass right out of the gate. It is 3 solid minutes of up-tempo rock gold, and for those 3 minutes, you will get so pumped for your day that you can tackle any problem that comes your way. The singable chorus and pulsing beat will be stuck in your head all day, and make you want to play football against people bigger than you, just so you can look all badass with a black eye and ripped shirt as this song plays.
"Kick out the Jams" by The Presidents of the USA: a cover version of an old MC5 song, this nugget will have you lying on the floor staring at the ceiling holding your head before you even realized it had ended. With a riff and energy that never quit, this song clocks in at under 1:30, but it will fill you will levels of pumpedupittude that you didn't know you could handle. This is a great one to keep on loop or start a party with.
"Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys: This one is a classic. No matter who you are, you hear this song and you are suddenly the coolest person on earth, no matter who you are ot what you are doing. You could be in middle-management for a small shower-curtain ring company, and if this song comes on, you are suddenly transformed into a kick-ass dude who doesn't take any crap from anyone. This is a perfect one for sledding or snow sports, to get that "I'm so cool I'm literally insane" mindset.
"From out of Nowhere" by Faith No More: This may be the single greatest pumped-up song ever. Seemingly custom made for car chases and getaways, this song should be the only one playing when you go running or jogging. It is literally the perfect pumped song, with a dynamic chord progression that will fuel you for miles, a slowed break to give your activity an epic sense of purpose, and then breaking back into the main riff to power you to your finish with no problem.
here are some honerable mentions:
"Monkey Wrench" by Foo Fighters
"Blitzkrieg Bop" by the Ramones
"Fuckin in the Bushes" by Oasis (this is the song used in the film "Snatch" as Mickey enters the ring)
"Lump" by the Presidents of the USA
"Weekapaug Groove" by Phish
Tomorrow we will discuss the best songs to listen to while star-gazing
Peace Love and Understanding
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Great Walking Songs
Everybody wishes they had a soundtrack to their lives, music that would play everytime they did anything or went anywhere. Also, everyone thinks they are the first person to have this amazing idea. However, here for you now, I have come up with a short list of some songs that are perfect walking songs. They range from you walking in slow motion, to you walking regular, to you walking with a purpose. Here they are:
"Think I'm in Love" by Beck: a great walking with a purpose song. From the opening bass and drums to the jangle guitar, it makes you feel good, and want to get out there and accomplish something. You feel yourself motivated and confident, and that is the sign of a great walking-with-a-purpose song.
"Loser" also by Beck: To get this out of the way, most Beck songs are great to accompany your walks, but this one is the iconic slow-motion walking song. Imagine that you have just come from class and destroyed your professor in an argument, or beat the shit out of that guy who hates you and is dating that girl you like, whether it be verbally or physically. This song would automatically start playing as you confidently walked away in slow motion.
"Stop, I'm Already Dead" by Deadboy and the Elephantmen: Yes this is a real band, and this song is perfect for walking with a purpose, as the steady, pulsing guitar and drumbeat accompany a pure and powerful vocal. This song makes you want to walk, not just get up, but go somewhere. It accompanies you as you venture off to tackle a test or participate in an activity of some sort where you may be unsure of yourself.
"You Don't Know How it Feels" by Tom Petty: This song is good for plain old walking. It surges with a mellow confidence that we could all use while just sauntering, moseying or even ambling. This song is nice and long too, so you can walk with it when you are going for a stroll to check your mail in the Union or simply going to an easy class where the professor is showing a movie.
"The Guitar" by They Might Be Giants: starting off with a catchy-as-hell bassline and dancebeat, this song turns into a swing number so cool, you feel like Frank Sinatra himself just by listening to it. Another great song for just plain walking, this one is a good choice when you have just aced a test or won a big game. As the horns and clean guitar kick in, you get swept away and feel like walking forever, because you feel so good about your victory.
"When I Get You Alone" by Thicke: This piece of blue-eyed soul makes Justin Timberlake look like Screech, and is perfect for walking with a purpose when you are on your way to a big performance or prepping yourself to ask a girl out. It fills you with confidence and a sense of rythm and flow that power you towards your goal. By sampling "a fifth of beethoven" it incorporates that infectious dance groove that motivates you for hours at a time.
Finally, "Flames Go Higher" by Eagles of Death Metal: This piece of garage-rock grime is a jewel indeed. With its stripped-down sound consisting of a crappy drumset and guitar played on what sounds like a 20 dollar model from K-mart plugged into a travel amp, and the distortion turned up, this song is the perfect gritty and rugged gem for slow-motion walks. When you look really good, or when a pretty girl stops to hug you on your way back from class, this song is perfect to accompany your artificial ego boost. You can almost feel your stubble come in as the song plays, and as you strut confidently in slow-motion you know that all is right in the world.
Special mention goes to "Millenium" by Robbie Williams, which is the song that should be playing when that girl you like kisses you on the cheek for doing something really "sweet." At this point the song begins and you float up into the air and begin walking. While suspended, you walk in slow motion until the song is over, filled with bliss and an inflated sense of self-worth, which is funny because whatever you did to warrant that smooch was probably below your dignity. Regardless, this song is your only choice for post-smooches and hugs from girls you have no chance of having anything more than a platonic relationship with. It makes you feel good, allows you to walk above everyone else, and float on air for about 3 minutes.
Tomorrow we will discuss the best "Getting pumped up" songs.
Peace Love and Understanding
"Think I'm in Love" by Beck: a great walking with a purpose song. From the opening bass and drums to the jangle guitar, it makes you feel good, and want to get out there and accomplish something. You feel yourself motivated and confident, and that is the sign of a great walking-with-a-purpose song.
"Loser" also by Beck: To get this out of the way, most Beck songs are great to accompany your walks, but this one is the iconic slow-motion walking song. Imagine that you have just come from class and destroyed your professor in an argument, or beat the shit out of that guy who hates you and is dating that girl you like, whether it be verbally or physically. This song would automatically start playing as you confidently walked away in slow motion.
"Stop, I'm Already Dead" by Deadboy and the Elephantmen: Yes this is a real band, and this song is perfect for walking with a purpose, as the steady, pulsing guitar and drumbeat accompany a pure and powerful vocal. This song makes you want to walk, not just get up, but go somewhere. It accompanies you as you venture off to tackle a test or participate in an activity of some sort where you may be unsure of yourself.
"You Don't Know How it Feels" by Tom Petty: This song is good for plain old walking. It surges with a mellow confidence that we could all use while just sauntering, moseying or even ambling. This song is nice and long too, so you can walk with it when you are going for a stroll to check your mail in the Union or simply going to an easy class where the professor is showing a movie.
"The Guitar" by They Might Be Giants: starting off with a catchy-as-hell bassline and dancebeat, this song turns into a swing number so cool, you feel like Frank Sinatra himself just by listening to it. Another great song for just plain walking, this one is a good choice when you have just aced a test or won a big game. As the horns and clean guitar kick in, you get swept away and feel like walking forever, because you feel so good about your victory.
"When I Get You Alone" by Thicke: This piece of blue-eyed soul makes Justin Timberlake look like Screech, and is perfect for walking with a purpose when you are on your way to a big performance or prepping yourself to ask a girl out. It fills you with confidence and a sense of rythm and flow that power you towards your goal. By sampling "a fifth of beethoven" it incorporates that infectious dance groove that motivates you for hours at a time.
Finally, "Flames Go Higher" by Eagles of Death Metal: This piece of garage-rock grime is a jewel indeed. With its stripped-down sound consisting of a crappy drumset and guitar played on what sounds like a 20 dollar model from K-mart plugged into a travel amp, and the distortion turned up, this song is the perfect gritty and rugged gem for slow-motion walks. When you look really good, or when a pretty girl stops to hug you on your way back from class, this song is perfect to accompany your artificial ego boost. You can almost feel your stubble come in as the song plays, and as you strut confidently in slow-motion you know that all is right in the world.
Special mention goes to "Millenium" by Robbie Williams, which is the song that should be playing when that girl you like kisses you on the cheek for doing something really "sweet." At this point the song begins and you float up into the air and begin walking. While suspended, you walk in slow motion until the song is over, filled with bliss and an inflated sense of self-worth, which is funny because whatever you did to warrant that smooch was probably below your dignity. Regardless, this song is your only choice for post-smooches and hugs from girls you have no chance of having anything more than a platonic relationship with. It makes you feel good, allows you to walk above everyone else, and float on air for about 3 minutes.
Tomorrow we will discuss the best "Getting pumped up" songs.
Peace Love and Understanding
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Dane Cook Sucks
I am a huge fan of standup comedy, from the traditional by-the-numbers observations of Jerry Seinfeld, to the non-sequitor ramblings of Stephen Wright. My favorite standup is Jim Gaffigan who never fails to crack me up. But what makes all of these comics great is that despite their different styles, they all write their own material and establish a real sense of joke-telling. But there is one man who has grabbed the Myspace generation by its backwards hats and seems to have taken over the world of stand-up and beyond. This miserable hack is known as Dane Cook.
Dane Cook is one of those guys who is always trying too hard and you're just never really comfortable with him. I guess you could say that I tried to like him, but ultimately I decided that he isn't funny and he does suck.
Cook has dominated the Comedy Central Presents block for years now, but there has been something missing...maybe jokes for one? Dane Cook may enthrall the audience with his manic presence, but he doesn't tell jokes. Cook's own "material" is hacky observations about airports and how men and women are different, something that should be left to Jerry Seinfeld---sure it may be hacky, but he has established it as his signature style. The rest of Cook's routine is made up of jokes he has stolen from other comedians and tried to pass off as his own. click here to listen to him ripping off a Louis CK bit, and then another Louis CK bit.
The issue is not whether or not Cook is talented, because he clearly is. He has a knack for impressions and can keep an audience enthralled. The issue is, is Dane Cook actually FUNNY? and the answer is no, he is not funny at all. Other comedians hate him.
Comedian Jim Breuer, a veteran of the stand-up circuit, and host of his own radio show had this to say:"Everyone hates this guy, not one comedian comes on my show and says `I'm so happy for him,' which is weird. ... They can't stand this poor guy."
Breuer also says that he admires Cook's talents, but claims that other comedians hate how Cook takes other comedians' material and passes it off as his own. All comedians face the same trials in their careers: they write material, try it out, take it on the road, deal with harsh crowds, and eventually win a following or at least the respect of other comedians. Essentially, Dane Cook created a Myspace page and convinced people he was a comedian using base-level jokes and other people's material.
But I, John Finn, am not the only person who thinks this way. I am not a jealous college student surrounded by people enamored by Dane Cook. (well, actually I am). But respected media outlets have criticized Cook's terribly unfunny stand-up.
Rolling Stone Magazine made a list of things that are funnier than Dane Cook, and this list includes:
Dane Cook is one of those guys who is always trying too hard and you're just never really comfortable with him. I guess you could say that I tried to like him, but ultimately I decided that he isn't funny and he does suck.
Cook has dominated the Comedy Central Presents block for years now, but there has been something missing...maybe jokes for one? Dane Cook may enthrall the audience with his manic presence, but he doesn't tell jokes. Cook's own "material" is hacky observations about airports and how men and women are different, something that should be left to Jerry Seinfeld---sure it may be hacky, but he has established it as his signature style. The rest of Cook's routine is made up of jokes he has stolen from other comedians and tried to pass off as his own. click here to listen to him ripping off a Louis CK bit, and then another Louis CK bit.
The issue is not whether or not Cook is talented, because he clearly is. He has a knack for impressions and can keep an audience enthralled. The issue is, is Dane Cook actually FUNNY? and the answer is no, he is not funny at all. Other comedians hate him.
Comedian Jim Breuer, a veteran of the stand-up circuit, and host of his own radio show had this to say:"Everyone hates this guy, not one comedian comes on my show and says `I'm so happy for him,' which is weird. ... They can't stand this poor guy."
Breuer also says that he admires Cook's talents, but claims that other comedians hate how Cook takes other comedians' material and passes it off as his own. All comedians face the same trials in their careers: they write material, try it out, take it on the road, deal with harsh crowds, and eventually win a following or at least the respect of other comedians. Essentially, Dane Cook created a Myspace page and convinced people he was a comedian using base-level jokes and other people's material.
But I, John Finn, am not the only person who thinks this way. I am not a jealous college student surrounded by people enamored by Dane Cook. (well, actually I am). But respected media outlets have criticized Cook's terribly unfunny stand-up.
Rolling Stone Magazine made a list of things that are funnier than Dane Cook, and this list includes:
- Cookie Monster
- A prune Danish
- Cooke City, Montana
- that Great Dane that lives next door
Monday, February 19, 2007
If only life were like Tecmo
Another football season come and gone, with my beloved Bills once again facing the business end of a losing season. As I drown my sorrows in Wegman's brand Cocoa Krispies and mozzarella sticks, I begin a season of a different sort. A Tecmo football season. For those of you not familiar with Tecmo Super Bowl, it is one of the greatest sports video games ever. If played correctly, it can produce levels of football joy more powerful than anything a Bills fan can experience.
In Tecmo world, here is how the Bills would fare:
First, the Bills would always choose to kick off, as they know getting the ball back at halftime is the most important strategy.
Then, the Bills storied defense would take the field. They would call one of the opposition's 8 available plays, and like a swarm of bees, converge on the quarterback, sacking him for a loss of 11 yards each time. If the opposition does manage to get a play off, here is what would happen: If it was a run, Takeo Spikes would stay back in coverage and wait for the runner to get into open field. Then he would track him down and tackle him. If they passed the ball, Nate Clements would follow the receiver's flashing arrow to find his location, then leap 10 feet into the air and catch the ball over his head.
Now the Bills have the ball. Losman calls a play. It's a pass. he fades back 35 yards until Lee Evans' flashing arrow is at the 20 yard line. The defense is powerless, as the players are thrown to the ground by the Bill's O-line, unable to get up, no matter how frantically "A" is pressed. Losman then slings the ball about 70 yards downfield with perfect accuracy to Evans. The Defense has suddenly gained the ability to sprint the length of the field in a matter of milliseconds, but Evans merely has to run in a zig-zag fashion from sideline to sideline until he reaches the endzone. Once, he is grabbed and locks up with a defender, but its ok, because he frantically presses "A" until he shakes his man. If he is somehow tackled at the goal line, Losman simply presses X, and Willis McGahee will dive over the line into the endzone. Then, Willis will leap into Losman's arms and point to the sky. Losman at this point is African American, and able to bench 3 Buicks. Meanwhile, Jason Peters looks sassy in the background.
On defense again, the Bills send Aaron Schoebel in for the sack, He is able to get good position because he has pressed down and "B" to lurch across the line. Once he sacks the QB, he finds the nearest camera and flexes, as the quarterback attempts to do a pushup behind him.
Even the kick team gets in on it. When the Bills elect to punt, Brian Moorman unleashes his trademark 85 yard punt by waiting for the red power bar to reach the end of the gauge. When settling for a field goal, kicker Rian Lindell lines up his kick by waiting for his flashing arrow to synch up with the goalpost.
The Bills go 16-0. However, like real life, they lose the Super Bowl, except this time they lose by one score, either as Lee Evans is tackled at the goal line as time expires on a 75 yard pass from Losman, or they lose because as time expires, Reggie Bush breaks a 68 yard run on 4th and 13 to score.
Peace Love and Understanding. Go Bills
In Tecmo world, here is how the Bills would fare:
First, the Bills would always choose to kick off, as they know getting the ball back at halftime is the most important strategy.
Then, the Bills storied defense would take the field. They would call one of the opposition's 8 available plays, and like a swarm of bees, converge on the quarterback, sacking him for a loss of 11 yards each time. If the opposition does manage to get a play off, here is what would happen: If it was a run, Takeo Spikes would stay back in coverage and wait for the runner to get into open field. Then he would track him down and tackle him. If they passed the ball, Nate Clements would follow the receiver's flashing arrow to find his location, then leap 10 feet into the air and catch the ball over his head.
Now the Bills have the ball. Losman calls a play. It's a pass. he fades back 35 yards until Lee Evans' flashing arrow is at the 20 yard line. The defense is powerless, as the players are thrown to the ground by the Bill's O-line, unable to get up, no matter how frantically "A" is pressed. Losman then slings the ball about 70 yards downfield with perfect accuracy to Evans. The Defense has suddenly gained the ability to sprint the length of the field in a matter of milliseconds, but Evans merely has to run in a zig-zag fashion from sideline to sideline until he reaches the endzone. Once, he is grabbed and locks up with a defender, but its ok, because he frantically presses "A" until he shakes his man. If he is somehow tackled at the goal line, Losman simply presses X, and Willis McGahee will dive over the line into the endzone. Then, Willis will leap into Losman's arms and point to the sky. Losman at this point is African American, and able to bench 3 Buicks. Meanwhile, Jason Peters looks sassy in the background.
On defense again, the Bills send Aaron Schoebel in for the sack, He is able to get good position because he has pressed down and "B" to lurch across the line. Once he sacks the QB, he finds the nearest camera and flexes, as the quarterback attempts to do a pushup behind him.
Even the kick team gets in on it. When the Bills elect to punt, Brian Moorman unleashes his trademark 85 yard punt by waiting for the red power bar to reach the end of the gauge. When settling for a field goal, kicker Rian Lindell lines up his kick by waiting for his flashing arrow to synch up with the goalpost.
The Bills go 16-0. However, like real life, they lose the Super Bowl, except this time they lose by one score, either as Lee Evans is tackled at the goal line as time expires on a 75 yard pass from Losman, or they lose because as time expires, Reggie Bush breaks a 68 yard run on 4th and 13 to score.
Peace Love and Understanding. Go Bills
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Overrated/Overplayed Part 2
As promised, here are the songs that round out my list of the most overplayed or overrated songs of all time. Enjoy!
4. "Get Ready For This"-- 2 Unlimited: If you have ever set foot in a sporting event or seen a commercial for the latest straight-to-video release of a movie about an animal that plays sports and helps the son of a recently divorced, attractive mom who marries the coach who acts as a father figure for the boy's sports team win the big game, then you have DEFINITELY heard this song. With its infectious melody, meaningless half rapped, half sung verses by some Swedish woman, it is impossible to escape. It has been used in countless commercials and sporting events, so much so, it makes "Rock and Roll Pt. 2" look like a late-night radio deep-cut. This song is the epitome of late mid-90's culture, custom made for Mountain Dew and an EXREME lifestyle. When this song plays, you can't help but envision a montage of quick cuts involving a chimpanzee or dog or tapir playing soccer or snowboarding. It is catchy as hell, and we all secretly have it playing in our heads when we are on a fast-break in basketball. However, if this song were to vanish forever without a trace, I think we would all be better for it.
3. "All Along the Watchtower"---Jimi Hendrix: Taking a Bob Dylan classic and injecting it with all the stereotypical 1960's psychadelia it could handle, Hendrix created an absolute monster. This song is the one that regardless of the radio station you flip to at any time of the day, it will be playing, usually only within the first 30 seconds. This song is not neccessarily bad, but neither is all that good. Taking Dylan's dark and menacing fable about the apocalypse and transforming it into a shrill acid test of a song, Hendrix is responsible for the score to every documentary ever made about the Vietnam War. Cue the images of soldiers in the jungle, and surely you will hear the opening guitar lick. This song is the musical equivalent of a 100 Grand candy bar. It's never anyone's first choice, and even when it is around the only time people enjoy it is because its probably the only option at the time.
2. "Dust in the Wind"/"Carry On My Wayward Son"---Kansas: These songs are tragically bad, because the guys in Kansas clearly think they wrote really good songs, and proceed to sing and perform them in the most serious way. These are the songs that "cool" hipsters say they like to be "ironic" along with pretty much any 70's era arena rocker. Kansas wrote the songs that would combine 2 of the most obnoxiously self-aware yet mindless genres: southern rock and progressive rock. Taking fiddles and southern harmonies and mixing them with organ solos and angular go-nowhere instrumentals in bizarre time signatures is the true sign of a Kansas (read: shitty) song. These songs however, have gone on to receive unreal amounts of classic rock radio play and have become staples of karaoke bars. One day those bars will be burned down, and those radio stations taken over by Ben Schultz.
1. "Sweet Home Alabama"---Lynyrd Skynyrd: The Grandaddy of terrible, overplayed southern anthems. This song would be a great example of overexposure, except it was never good to begin with. With its jabs at Neil Young (an actual, talented songwriter) and awkward sing along chorus, this song sucks from beginning to end. Radio. Commercials. Stadiums. Compilation Albums. Kidz Bop. Karaoke. Documentaries. These are just a handful of places where this song has been used and used and used again. There was even a movie titled "Sweet Home Alabama," a movie that if remember by more than 5 people today would be a miracle, but the point is that they could have named this movie ANYTHING, yet I'm sure the lazy producers were thinking, hey this movie takes place in Alabama, and there is a song about Alabama that everyone knows, so let's name the movie after the song and use it in our commercials. A "remix" of the song is even used in KFC commercials (doesn't the K stand for Kentucky?) What's worse is that since its inception, it has become a rallying cry for people from the deep south, and Lord knows those people should not be allowed to rally about anything. Overall everywhere you turn, you will hear this song, and more likely than not it will never go away, so your best bet is to ignore it, put on some headphones and crank up "Freebird".
Honorable mentions:
* "Let's get it started"---BEP: no song has become more played out in such a short amount of time.
*"Wonderwall"---Oasis: Let's face it, every schmuck with an acoustic guitar plays this song to try and impress high school girls. This is also one of Oasis' least inspired songs, and while a solid composition, may be the worst song on it's LP, and in the Oasis catalogue.
*"Song 2"--Blur: The worst thing here is that most people only know this song as "Whoo Hoo." Just a shame, considering that for about a 10 year stretch it appeared in every movie trailer and sports game released to the public.
peace love and understanding
4. "Get Ready For This"-- 2 Unlimited: If you have ever set foot in a sporting event or seen a commercial for the latest straight-to-video release of a movie about an animal that plays sports and helps the son of a recently divorced, attractive mom who marries the coach who acts as a father figure for the boy's sports team win the big game, then you have DEFINITELY heard this song. With its infectious melody, meaningless half rapped, half sung verses by some Swedish woman, it is impossible to escape. It has been used in countless commercials and sporting events, so much so, it makes "Rock and Roll Pt. 2" look like a late-night radio deep-cut. This song is the epitome of late mid-90's culture, custom made for Mountain Dew and an EXREME lifestyle. When this song plays, you can't help but envision a montage of quick cuts involving a chimpanzee or dog or tapir playing soccer or snowboarding. It is catchy as hell, and we all secretly have it playing in our heads when we are on a fast-break in basketball. However, if this song were to vanish forever without a trace, I think we would all be better for it.
3. "All Along the Watchtower"---Jimi Hendrix: Taking a Bob Dylan classic and injecting it with all the stereotypical 1960's psychadelia it could handle, Hendrix created an absolute monster. This song is the one that regardless of the radio station you flip to at any time of the day, it will be playing, usually only within the first 30 seconds. This song is not neccessarily bad, but neither is all that good. Taking Dylan's dark and menacing fable about the apocalypse and transforming it into a shrill acid test of a song, Hendrix is responsible for the score to every documentary ever made about the Vietnam War. Cue the images of soldiers in the jungle, and surely you will hear the opening guitar lick. This song is the musical equivalent of a 100 Grand candy bar. It's never anyone's first choice, and even when it is around the only time people enjoy it is because its probably the only option at the time.
2. "Dust in the Wind"/"Carry On My Wayward Son"---Kansas: These songs are tragically bad, because the guys in Kansas clearly think they wrote really good songs, and proceed to sing and perform them in the most serious way. These are the songs that "cool" hipsters say they like to be "ironic" along with pretty much any 70's era arena rocker. Kansas wrote the songs that would combine 2 of the most obnoxiously self-aware yet mindless genres: southern rock and progressive rock. Taking fiddles and southern harmonies and mixing them with organ solos and angular go-nowhere instrumentals in bizarre time signatures is the true sign of a Kansas (read: shitty) song. These songs however, have gone on to receive unreal amounts of classic rock radio play and have become staples of karaoke bars. One day those bars will be burned down, and those radio stations taken over by Ben Schultz.
1. "Sweet Home Alabama"---Lynyrd Skynyrd: The Grandaddy of terrible, overplayed southern anthems. This song would be a great example of overexposure, except it was never good to begin with. With its jabs at Neil Young (an actual, talented songwriter) and awkward sing along chorus, this song sucks from beginning to end. Radio. Commercials. Stadiums. Compilation Albums. Kidz Bop. Karaoke. Documentaries. These are just a handful of places where this song has been used and used and used again. There was even a movie titled "Sweet Home Alabama," a movie that if remember by more than 5 people today would be a miracle, but the point is that they could have named this movie ANYTHING, yet I'm sure the lazy producers were thinking, hey this movie takes place in Alabama, and there is a song about Alabama that everyone knows, so let's name the movie after the song and use it in our commercials. A "remix" of the song is even used in KFC commercials (doesn't the K stand for Kentucky?) What's worse is that since its inception, it has become a rallying cry for people from the deep south, and Lord knows those people should not be allowed to rally about anything. Overall everywhere you turn, you will hear this song, and more likely than not it will never go away, so your best bet is to ignore it, put on some headphones and crank up "Freebird".
Honorable mentions:
* "Let's get it started"---BEP: no song has become more played out in such a short amount of time.
*"Wonderwall"---Oasis: Let's face it, every schmuck with an acoustic guitar plays this song to try and impress high school girls. This is also one of Oasis' least inspired songs, and while a solid composition, may be the worst song on it's LP, and in the Oasis catalogue.
*"Song 2"--Blur: The worst thing here is that most people only know this song as "Whoo Hoo." Just a shame, considering that for about a 10 year stretch it appeared in every movie trailer and sports game released to the public.
peace love and understanding
Friday, February 9, 2007
Most Overplayed/Overrated Songs Ever
As promised, here is the list of the most overplayed/overrated songs of all time. These are the songs that we are convinced must be classics, because they are played constantly: on the radio, in commercials, karaoke, everywhere. Some of these songs are good songs that have been overexposed, and some are just terrible songs that I wish had never been written.
10. ANYTHING written and performed by Bob Seger: I hate Bob Seger. I hate his faux-macho delivery, his "hey look how American I am" lyrics, and his derivative songs. Every single released by Mr. Seger has been awful, and what's more, they are ALWAYS being played on the radio. From "Old Time Rock and Roll" which is taken directly from the Kidz Bop outtakes catalogue, to the bland "Night Moves" and "Against the Wind" which essentially combine Jackson Browne and Warren Zevon melodies and arrangments but remove the charm, wit, and originality and add a bellowing buffoon's croaked vocals. I hope to God I never hear another Seger song on the radio again.
9. "Stairway to Heaven"---Led Zeppelin: This sprawling epic has become a joke; a punchline to every mockery of the 1970's. This song is best enjoyed by those of you who use free time to learn Elvish or study maps of Middle Earth. Zep is such an awesome band, and has churned out many fabulous songs, most of which get good airplay on commercials and radio. However, this is the song that puts me over the edge. It drags, it doesn't rock until the last 1:30 (note: the guitar solo here is amazing, and when the song rocks, it really does rock), and its faux-mystical lyrics are muddled and fluffy, never delivering any real story or message. However, this song seems to consistantly top people's lists of greatest songs ever, probably because of its reputation as a "masterpiece." That is terrible logic if it is the case. "Stairway" is an incredibly overrated song.
8. "Satisfaction"---The Rolling Stones: Besides a somewhat catchy riff, this song has nothing going for it, yet it topped VH1's "greatest songs ever" list. The 3-note riff is memorable and solid, but it is not unlike the countless other British Invasion songs of the time. The Kinks, Beatles, et al. created songs that were just as catchy and had better lyrics. Yet, it is this tune that gets hands down the most radio play and esteem. What is so special about it? Jagger's half-yelled chorus? Charlie Watts' boring and simple drum beat? The "edgy" lyrics that by todays standards are about as racy as a Disney straight-to-video sequel? The answer is not clear, but this is a prime example of a song getting more play and praise than it deserves.
7. "More than a Feeling"---Boston: I do enjoy this song, with its unreal vocals, soaring riffs, and Boston-by-the-numbers song structure. However, nothing about this song is particularly GREAT in any way shape or form. Everyone who hears it says, "yeah, I kinda like that." It's like the McDonald's of music. It is SO overproduced and slick, SO packed with layers and layers of artificial crap, that it has to be appealing to people. This song is without a doubt one of the most overplayed classic rock songs in the history of radio. This is the song that is kinda fun to sing along with your friends, but if you ever hear this song on your own, you get about 30 seconds in before flipping the dial.
6. "Pour Some Sugar On Me"--Def Leppard: This song is both overplayed and inane. The derivative arena-rock riffs are so lame, that whenever you hear this song, you can imagine Joe Elliots pathetic "rock and roll manuevers." Every school dance I ever attended in my high school lifetime has featured this song, each time more obxious than the last. It is all over the radio, whether the station is classic rock, variety, anything. It doesn't matter. they will play this insidious crap heap. The terrible 80's production, the awkwardly sexual lyrics, everything adds up to a shit-show of awfulness. Yet, like all the songs on this list, it is a consistent party and radio favorite. I think one of the funniest things I have ever seen involving this song was a VH1 Classic commercial that featured Joe Elliot performing this song in-studio on an acoustic guitar, as an attempt to pass this song off as a piece of great musicianship.
5. "You Shook Me"----AC/DC: This song suffers from the same illness as the previous entry, but what makes it worse it that AC/DC actually rocked before this song. However, this is the song that they are probably most famous for, aside from "Back in Black," a song that is also overplayed, but is a good enough song to not make this list. This song however, is like Leppard's, full of slick, overproduced faux-rocking attempt to crack the mainstream. Its awkward sexuality is stomach-turning and the song itself is just boring and lame. It, like the others so far are featured in more high school dances and variety style radio programs than they should be. You Shook Me is terrible and overplayed.
The next 5 will appear in tomorrow's blog.
For now, Peace Love and Understanding.
10. ANYTHING written and performed by Bob Seger: I hate Bob Seger. I hate his faux-macho delivery, his "hey look how American I am" lyrics, and his derivative songs. Every single released by Mr. Seger has been awful, and what's more, they are ALWAYS being played on the radio. From "Old Time Rock and Roll" which is taken directly from the Kidz Bop outtakes catalogue, to the bland "Night Moves" and "Against the Wind" which essentially combine Jackson Browne and Warren Zevon melodies and arrangments but remove the charm, wit, and originality and add a bellowing buffoon's croaked vocals. I hope to God I never hear another Seger song on the radio again.
9. "Stairway to Heaven"---Led Zeppelin: This sprawling epic has become a joke; a punchline to every mockery of the 1970's. This song is best enjoyed by those of you who use free time to learn Elvish or study maps of Middle Earth. Zep is such an awesome band, and has churned out many fabulous songs, most of which get good airplay on commercials and radio. However, this is the song that puts me over the edge. It drags, it doesn't rock until the last 1:30 (note: the guitar solo here is amazing, and when the song rocks, it really does rock), and its faux-mystical lyrics are muddled and fluffy, never delivering any real story or message. However, this song seems to consistantly top people's lists of greatest songs ever, probably because of its reputation as a "masterpiece." That is terrible logic if it is the case. "Stairway" is an incredibly overrated song.
8. "Satisfaction"---The Rolling Stones: Besides a somewhat catchy riff, this song has nothing going for it, yet it topped VH1's "greatest songs ever" list. The 3-note riff is memorable and solid, but it is not unlike the countless other British Invasion songs of the time. The Kinks, Beatles, et al. created songs that were just as catchy and had better lyrics. Yet, it is this tune that gets hands down the most radio play and esteem. What is so special about it? Jagger's half-yelled chorus? Charlie Watts' boring and simple drum beat? The "edgy" lyrics that by todays standards are about as racy as a Disney straight-to-video sequel? The answer is not clear, but this is a prime example of a song getting more play and praise than it deserves.
7. "More than a Feeling"---Boston: I do enjoy this song, with its unreal vocals, soaring riffs, and Boston-by-the-numbers song structure. However, nothing about this song is particularly GREAT in any way shape or form. Everyone who hears it says, "yeah, I kinda like that." It's like the McDonald's of music. It is SO overproduced and slick, SO packed with layers and layers of artificial crap, that it has to be appealing to people. This song is without a doubt one of the most overplayed classic rock songs in the history of radio. This is the song that is kinda fun to sing along with your friends, but if you ever hear this song on your own, you get about 30 seconds in before flipping the dial.
6. "Pour Some Sugar On Me"--Def Leppard: This song is both overplayed and inane. The derivative arena-rock riffs are so lame, that whenever you hear this song, you can imagine Joe Elliots pathetic "rock and roll manuevers." Every school dance I ever attended in my high school lifetime has featured this song, each time more obxious than the last. It is all over the radio, whether the station is classic rock, variety, anything. It doesn't matter. they will play this insidious crap heap. The terrible 80's production, the awkwardly sexual lyrics, everything adds up to a shit-show of awfulness. Yet, like all the songs on this list, it is a consistent party and radio favorite. I think one of the funniest things I have ever seen involving this song was a VH1 Classic commercial that featured Joe Elliot performing this song in-studio on an acoustic guitar, as an attempt to pass this song off as a piece of great musicianship.
5. "You Shook Me"----AC/DC: This song suffers from the same illness as the previous entry, but what makes it worse it that AC/DC actually rocked before this song. However, this is the song that they are probably most famous for, aside from "Back in Black," a song that is also overplayed, but is a good enough song to not make this list. This song however, is like Leppard's, full of slick, overproduced faux-rocking attempt to crack the mainstream. Its awkward sexuality is stomach-turning and the song itself is just boring and lame. It, like the others so far are featured in more high school dances and variety style radio programs than they should be. You Shook Me is terrible and overplayed.
The next 5 will appear in tomorrow's blog.
For now, Peace Love and Understanding.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
The Worst Songs of All Time
This post is dedicated to the worst songs ever released to the public. These selections are not a reflection on the band or artist that wrote them, not by any stretch. Rather, they are a testament to the complete lack of discretion many people show when deciding what music they like. What will follow is a list of the songs lacking in any real musical or lyrical quality, and the songs that are so derivative and soulless it makes one question the humanity of its authors. Here are presented only the top 10, as the complete list would take years to complete. These are artists who write music and perform music, making them much more heinous. So, without further ado, here are the WORST songs of all time.
10. "Sk8ter Boi"--Avril Lavigne. Here is the scenario: a major record label gave a tape recorder to a group of 8th grade girls and told them to make a song. With the help of the school's poseur "punk" band, they constructed one of the most ill-concieved compositions in the history of music. With a chorus taken straight from the "poetry" of a 13 year old's diary, and one of the most feeble attempts to "rock" that I have ever heard, this song is best left in the skin-crawling pit known as Hot Topic's stereo system.
9. "I Did It"--Dave Matthews Band. As is quite apparent from previous posts, I am not exactly enamored with Mr. Matthews. But, this song takes the cake for mediocrity. It literally sounds like the band decided to not try to write a song. The verses are meaningless, as is the case of most of David's compositions, but in this case, the real kicker is the chorus. Devoid of any semblance of catchiness or coherence, the chorus sounds like Matthews gargling mouthwash while the band is tuning up. This is another steaming pile that will hopefully be forgotten.
8. "All-Star"--Smash Mouth. Of course, the follow up single to the masterfully quirky and catchy "Walking on the Sun." This California-based, quasi-ska abomination, fronted by the most awkward frontman in rock history couldn't wait to drop this heap onto the American public. Luckily they chose the cinematic equivilant of a corkboard table, "Mystery Men" as their venue of choice. This song is so God-awful it is almost a novelty. I don't think I have ever heard a song that rocks less hard and leaves me feeling so empty after listening as this one does. The lyrics are juvenile and meaningless, including the memorable reference to the "Loser" sign, formed by one's thumb and index finger. Very cutting edge stuff, Smash Mouth. The chorus once again is both pointless and weak. It never builds to anything except the end of the song. This one was custom made for Kidz Bop.
7. A tie: "Tell Me Baby" and "Dani California"---Red Hot Chili Peppers. First off, let me say, I love the Peppers. Generally, they combine a fabulous mix of funk and rock, with great grooves and catchy riffs. However, these two songs show two things: 1. complete mis-direction in song writing, and 2. laziness. To start with, "tell me baby" suffers from what I call the New Chili Peppers Sound. Basically this entails Anthony Keidis awkwardly rapping over a light funk riff, with the exact same cadence every time: dadadadada--dadada-dada/dadadadada--dadada--dada. 99% of the time, the lyrics are either completly meaningless and are just pathetic rhymes, or they are about Keidis' depraved sexuality. Then, after the verse, the band completely shifts directions, and breaks into a chorus with a chord progression so derivative and lame, it sounds like a matchbox20 B-side. It was almost as if the band members had 2 good ideas for unrelated songs, but somehow they got slapped together. The Peppers of old knew how to make a song in which chorus and verse actually sounded like they belonged in the same song. Then there is "Dani California." This song is perhaps the greatest example of Keidis' utter failure as a vocalist to date, with lazy, half-sung verses, a go-nowhere chorus and Chili-Peppers-by-number lyrics that could have been transplanted from any other song in their entire catalogue. In many cases, the musical prowess of his backing band can at least hold my attention with their funkiness, but they fall far short of the mark on “Dani California,” choosing to simply perform an undisguised cover of Tom Petty’s early-Nineties hit, “Mary Jane’s Last Dance.” Laziness at its finest, and what's worse is that rather than ripping off an obscure song to copy, they chose instead to use the riff of a song that anyone who has ever casually flipped by a classic rock station would recognize. On top of all of that, it remained a huge hit. I don't get it.
6. Another tie: "London Bridge" and "Fergalicious" --- Fergie. These tracks both of which are essentially interchangable, are absolute abominations in the world of music. To even call them music is a stretch in itself. Both of these "songs" consist of awkwardly chanted lyrics, meant to stay lodged in your head forever, except you can't remember the actual words, probably becaude they are so miserably pointless and without any meaning. Then there is a chorus and bridge which consists of a vaguely sexual chant that is repeated over and over. This chorus is pretty much only used by, and therefore tailored specifically to one democraphic: overweight, ugly, single college girls who yell it very loudly while trying hard to look good in the half shirt with "sexy" written in sparkles on the front that they are currently spilling out of, their tight Hollister jeans holding on for dear life. These are the same individuals who model their lives after Nicole Richie, believing that people who think that their behavior is "too outrageous" are completely out of the loop and that they are totally just having fun, and people should stop judging them. Sorry, I got sidetracked. To make a long story short, these songs are absolutely atrocious, and if the person performing them looked at all like the girls who sing them at clubs, they wouldn't sell 4 copies.
5. Another Tie: "Hollaback Girl" and "Wind it up"---Gwen Stefani.
See Fergie description above.
4. "Don't Want to Miss a Thing"---Aerosmith. Well, at least they didn't write this one themselves. Credit this as the song that ushered in the era of terrible rock-ballads for the modern era. Made for the cinematic masterpiece, "Armageddon," Steven Tyler croaks his way
through the lyrics as a "majestic" string section backs him up. Everything about this song is terrible, above all the fact that it stuck in my head for weeks. UGH. I want to shoot Aerosmith.
3. "Story of a Girl"---Nine Days. The first word in "rock and roll" is "rock," which implies something hard, possibly heavy, and at least with an edge to it. However, of all the hideous, sentimental, Dawson’s Creek alterna-pop of the early 00s, this was by far the worst. This piece of crap made “Everything You Want” by Vertical Horizon sound like “Ace of Spades" by Motorhead. The opening line of this song is “This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world.” Wow. I could have sworn that this was supposed to be a rock song, but I guess I was wrong. These guys make matchbox20 look like Metallica. I wish someone could have killed the members of the band before this song was even written, but even that would be pretty bad because someone would surely play “Adam’s Song” by Blink 182 at their funeral. At least this song hasn't fallen into the category of "songs that lame college guys play on acoustic guitars under trees to get girls to sleep with them." I pray that day will never come.
2. "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)"---Green Day. If you graduated from high school, appeared in the cast of a TV show whose run was coming to an end, or went to a teenager’s funeral in the late 90s, I don’t have to explain how bad this song is. Bland, sappy, and boring, this song sucks the life out of any room or party. It is a pathetic attempt at being ironic, and even that message was lost on the millions of idiots who bought the album. The majority of those people were probably also very surprised to find that the other songs on the album featured electric guitars and lack of pussitude. This "ballad" broke the mold for lameness. It, like other songs on the list has become a joke in and of itself, with even the first few notes inducing laughter. Sounding nothing like Green Day, it is the grandaddy of the types of songs discussed in my number 1 choice for worst song ever.
1.. "Beverly Hills"--Weezer. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a big Weezer fan. But, this atrocious piece of garbage makes me wish I was born without ears. It is so bad, that it is far and away the worst track on the abismal "Make Believe" album, which is a feat in and of itself. This song takes the riff from "I love Rock and Roll," recycles the bassline from the band's brilliant "El Scorcho," and let's a small boy with ADD play with a talkbox, then records the results. This is all bad enough, now let's get to the lyrics. Millionaire frontman Rivers Cuomo sounds like a 13-year old who pretends to be suicidal to get attention. He whines about how preppy girls don't like him. He whines about how lame he is. He whines that his clothes aren't cool. SHUT THE HELL UP. No one cares. I am filled with rage as I write this post, because I am thinking about how I waited years for Weezer's follow-up to "Maladroit," and this was the best they could do???? Everything about this song is misguided and pathetic. Weezer used to be the poster boys for fun, tongue-in-cheek rock, mixing The Cars and Cheap Trick with the Pixies. Then this song. This song sells out hard to cash in on the era of Laguna Beach and the OC. This song is so pathetic and weak that as Dr. David Thorpe would say, "it would even be selling out if the Pussycat Dolls had performed it instead of Weezer." This is far and away the worst song I have ever heard, and is an embarassment to a great band. It is a lazy attempt to make some money, a betrayal to its fans, and represents everything that is wrong with music.
Tomorrow's blog will deal with the most OVERPLAYED songs. These are songs that are good but have oversatured society to the point that no one wants to hear them anymore.
Peace Love and Understanding
10. "Sk8ter Boi"--Avril Lavigne. Here is the scenario: a major record label gave a tape recorder to a group of 8th grade girls and told them to make a song. With the help of the school's poseur "punk" band, they constructed one of the most ill-concieved compositions in the history of music. With a chorus taken straight from the "poetry" of a 13 year old's diary, and one of the most feeble attempts to "rock" that I have ever heard, this song is best left in the skin-crawling pit known as Hot Topic's stereo system.
9. "I Did It"--Dave Matthews Band. As is quite apparent from previous posts, I am not exactly enamored with Mr. Matthews. But, this song takes the cake for mediocrity. It literally sounds like the band decided to not try to write a song. The verses are meaningless, as is the case of most of David's compositions, but in this case, the real kicker is the chorus. Devoid of any semblance of catchiness or coherence, the chorus sounds like Matthews gargling mouthwash while the band is tuning up. This is another steaming pile that will hopefully be forgotten.
8. "All-Star"--Smash Mouth. Of course, the follow up single to the masterfully quirky and catchy "Walking on the Sun." This California-based, quasi-ska abomination, fronted by the most awkward frontman in rock history couldn't wait to drop this heap onto the American public. Luckily they chose the cinematic equivilant of a corkboard table, "Mystery Men" as their venue of choice. This song is so God-awful it is almost a novelty. I don't think I have ever heard a song that rocks less hard and leaves me feeling so empty after listening as this one does. The lyrics are juvenile and meaningless, including the memorable reference to the "Loser" sign, formed by one's thumb and index finger. Very cutting edge stuff, Smash Mouth. The chorus once again is both pointless and weak. It never builds to anything except the end of the song. This one was custom made for Kidz Bop.
7. A tie: "Tell Me Baby" and "Dani California"---Red Hot Chili Peppers. First off, let me say, I love the Peppers. Generally, they combine a fabulous mix of funk and rock, with great grooves and catchy riffs. However, these two songs show two things: 1. complete mis-direction in song writing, and 2. laziness. To start with, "tell me baby" suffers from what I call the New Chili Peppers Sound. Basically this entails Anthony Keidis awkwardly rapping over a light funk riff, with the exact same cadence every time: dadadadada--dadada-dada/dadadadada--dadada--dada. 99% of the time, the lyrics are either completly meaningless and are just pathetic rhymes, or they are about Keidis' depraved sexuality. Then, after the verse, the band completely shifts directions, and breaks into a chorus with a chord progression so derivative and lame, it sounds like a matchbox20 B-side. It was almost as if the band members had 2 good ideas for unrelated songs, but somehow they got slapped together. The Peppers of old knew how to make a song in which chorus and verse actually sounded like they belonged in the same song. Then there is "Dani California." This song is perhaps the greatest example of Keidis' utter failure as a vocalist to date, with lazy, half-sung verses, a go-nowhere chorus and Chili-Peppers-by-number lyrics that could have been transplanted from any other song in their entire catalogue. In many cases, the musical prowess of his backing band can at least hold my attention with their funkiness, but they fall far short of the mark on “Dani California,” choosing to simply perform an undisguised cover of Tom Petty’s early-Nineties hit, “Mary Jane’s Last Dance.” Laziness at its finest, and what's worse is that rather than ripping off an obscure song to copy, they chose instead to use the riff of a song that anyone who has ever casually flipped by a classic rock station would recognize. On top of all of that, it remained a huge hit. I don't get it.
6. Another tie: "London Bridge" and "Fergalicious" --- Fergie. These tracks both of which are essentially interchangable, are absolute abominations in the world of music. To even call them music is a stretch in itself. Both of these "songs" consist of awkwardly chanted lyrics, meant to stay lodged in your head forever, except you can't remember the actual words, probably becaude they are so miserably pointless and without any meaning. Then there is a chorus and bridge which consists of a vaguely sexual chant that is repeated over and over. This chorus is pretty much only used by, and therefore tailored specifically to one democraphic: overweight, ugly, single college girls who yell it very loudly while trying hard to look good in the half shirt with "sexy" written in sparkles on the front that they are currently spilling out of, their tight Hollister jeans holding on for dear life. These are the same individuals who model their lives after Nicole Richie, believing that people who think that their behavior is "too outrageous" are completely out of the loop and that they are totally just having fun, and people should stop judging them. Sorry, I got sidetracked. To make a long story short, these songs are absolutely atrocious, and if the person performing them looked at all like the girls who sing them at clubs, they wouldn't sell 4 copies.
5. Another Tie: "Hollaback Girl" and "Wind it up"---Gwen Stefani.
See Fergie description above.
4. "Don't Want to Miss a Thing"---Aerosmith. Well, at least they didn't write this one themselves. Credit this as the song that ushered in the era of terrible rock-ballads for the modern era. Made for the cinematic masterpiece, "Armageddon," Steven Tyler croaks his way
through the lyrics as a "majestic" string section backs him up. Everything about this song is terrible, above all the fact that it stuck in my head for weeks. UGH. I want to shoot Aerosmith.
3. "Story of a Girl"---Nine Days. The first word in "rock and roll" is "rock," which implies something hard, possibly heavy, and at least with an edge to it. However, of all the hideous, sentimental, Dawson’s Creek alterna-pop of the early 00s, this was by far the worst. This piece of crap made “Everything You Want” by Vertical Horizon sound like “Ace of Spades" by Motorhead. The opening line of this song is “This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world.” Wow. I could have sworn that this was supposed to be a rock song, but I guess I was wrong. These guys make matchbox20 look like Metallica. I wish someone could have killed the members of the band before this song was even written, but even that would be pretty bad because someone would surely play “Adam’s Song” by Blink 182 at their funeral. At least this song hasn't fallen into the category of "songs that lame college guys play on acoustic guitars under trees to get girls to sleep with them." I pray that day will never come.
2. "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)"---Green Day. If you graduated from high school, appeared in the cast of a TV show whose run was coming to an end, or went to a teenager’s funeral in the late 90s, I don’t have to explain how bad this song is. Bland, sappy, and boring, this song sucks the life out of any room or party. It is a pathetic attempt at being ironic, and even that message was lost on the millions of idiots who bought the album. The majority of those people were probably also very surprised to find that the other songs on the album featured electric guitars and lack of pussitude. This "ballad" broke the mold for lameness. It, like other songs on the list has become a joke in and of itself, with even the first few notes inducing laughter. Sounding nothing like Green Day, it is the grandaddy of the types of songs discussed in my number 1 choice for worst song ever.
1.. "Beverly Hills"--Weezer. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a big Weezer fan. But, this atrocious piece of garbage makes me wish I was born without ears. It is so bad, that it is far and away the worst track on the abismal "Make Believe" album, which is a feat in and of itself. This song takes the riff from "I love Rock and Roll," recycles the bassline from the band's brilliant "El Scorcho," and let's a small boy with ADD play with a talkbox, then records the results. This is all bad enough, now let's get to the lyrics. Millionaire frontman Rivers Cuomo sounds like a 13-year old who pretends to be suicidal to get attention. He whines about how preppy girls don't like him. He whines about how lame he is. He whines that his clothes aren't cool. SHUT THE HELL UP. No one cares. I am filled with rage as I write this post, because I am thinking about how I waited years for Weezer's follow-up to "Maladroit," and this was the best they could do???? Everything about this song is misguided and pathetic. Weezer used to be the poster boys for fun, tongue-in-cheek rock, mixing The Cars and Cheap Trick with the Pixies. Then this song. This song sells out hard to cash in on the era of Laguna Beach and the OC. This song is so pathetic and weak that as Dr. David Thorpe would say, "it would even be selling out if the Pussycat Dolls had performed it instead of Weezer." This is far and away the worst song I have ever heard, and is an embarassment to a great band. It is a lazy attempt to make some money, a betrayal to its fans, and represents everything that is wrong with music.
Tomorrow's blog will deal with the most OVERPLAYED songs. These are songs that are good but have oversatured society to the point that no one wants to hear them anymore.
Peace Love and Understanding
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Jesse and the Rippers: Legends
Led Zeppelin. Pink Floyd. The Beatles. Stevie Wonder. Zack Attack. These music legends have accomplished so much and hold a permanent place on the mantle of rock music. However, these acts are eclipsed by the mighty power of Jesse and the Rippers, perhaps the finest band to ever grace this mortal coil.
The Rippers, a staple of the Fat Fish record company, started out as a garage and high school dance band in the early 1980's. As an offshoot of the failed Feedback, which featured Scott Baio, The Rippers honed their signature sound by soaking in the most rocking influences: Lame Rock from the 1950's and 60's. Their trademark jam, "Do Wah Diddy" rocked so hard, that it was impossible to listen for more than 30 seconds without getting pregnant or spontaneously combusting. With the addition of that horse-faced guy who played keytar and that girl singer, the line-up was complete, with frontman Jesse Katsopolis leading them into the fray.
The Rippers struggled for years, until they finally became the houseband for the legendary Smash Club, where teens flocked to dance awkwardly to the infectious grooves of "Hound dog" and "Heartbreak Hotel." It was not long before The Rippers took their act on the road. With the addition of another keytar player, the sound became more rich and full, and they began to attract more attention from record companies. Jesse claimed this was due to the band's "post-punk, grunge, pop, reggae, fusion rock thing going on." Indeed they had that thing going on. Never was this style of music more clear than on the band's classic sing along, "(You Make Me Wanna) Shout" clearly a landmark in "grunge reggae post punk" music.
However, this great feeling could not last forever. Tensions within the band forced Jesse out to form a much less rocking side project, Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets, which featured guitar virtuoso Viper on lead guitar. Much controversey still remains to this day over Jesse's choice of Viper over the much heralded Danny "Mildew" Tanner, known for his erractic and often times dangerous yet brilliant acts of defiance on stage.
This brief period allowed Jesse to do some thinking and pursue other ventures, including radio DJ, club owner, and advertising executive, all of which he was incredibly qualified for, partenered each time with the mentally-retarded man-boy, Joey Gladstone.
It was not long though, before The Rippers reunited, once again with Jesse at the helm. At this point in the story, Jesse's creative genius began to flourish, and the band produced a hit single and music video for the song "Forever" written by Jesse. The song was influenced by a Beach Boys song of the same name, so much so, that it contained the exact same melody and lyrics. The song and accompanying video became so big that it brought on a tour to Japan. Jesse accrued some controversey however. During the band's signature opener, the epic rock opus "Help Me Rhonda," the Japanese cue cards Jesse was using fell, and in a moment of rage, he began listing off all of the Japanese products he could think of, seemingly to mock the Japanese. He was chased out of the country and never returned.
The Rippers never matched the chart success of "Forever" but they maintained a following that overshadowed even that of the Grateful Dead. They toured relentlessly for 15 more years, selling out arenas wherever they went. They eventually retired, but made 2 guest appearances, one at a benefit for the victims of a plane crash, victims that included Jesse's scheming cousin Stavros. They appeared again to play a concert to raise money to find a cure for niece Michelle's amnesia. It turned out all she had to do was hug an anthromorphic embodiment of her memory, that happened to look like her, but without The Rippers help, this may not have been possible.
To this day, Jesse and the Rippers may be the most important act to ever play a note, and while not enshrined in the Official Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, they have a plaque at Van Atta Juniot High in San Francisco and in the hearts of their millions---no, billions, of fans worldwide.
Scott Ian of the band Anthrax has called them "A....[band]?" as have their famous opening act, Human Pudding, whose "loud" brand of music has set a new standard of junior high rock and roll.
Jesse and the Rippers will never be forgotten for their impact on society, culture, and music, changing the landscape of humanity....."Forever....FOREVER!!!"
Peace Love and Understanding
The Rippers, a staple of the Fat Fish record company, started out as a garage and high school dance band in the early 1980's. As an offshoot of the failed Feedback, which featured Scott Baio, The Rippers honed their signature sound by soaking in the most rocking influences: Lame Rock from the 1950's and 60's. Their trademark jam, "Do Wah Diddy" rocked so hard, that it was impossible to listen for more than 30 seconds without getting pregnant or spontaneously combusting. With the addition of that horse-faced guy who played keytar and that girl singer, the line-up was complete, with frontman Jesse Katsopolis leading them into the fray.
The Rippers struggled for years, until they finally became the houseband for the legendary Smash Club, where teens flocked to dance awkwardly to the infectious grooves of "Hound dog" and "Heartbreak Hotel." It was not long before The Rippers took their act on the road. With the addition of another keytar player, the sound became more rich and full, and they began to attract more attention from record companies. Jesse claimed this was due to the band's "post-punk, grunge, pop, reggae, fusion rock thing going on." Indeed they had that thing going on. Never was this style of music more clear than on the band's classic sing along, "(You Make Me Wanna) Shout" clearly a landmark in "grunge reggae post punk" music.
However, this great feeling could not last forever. Tensions within the band forced Jesse out to form a much less rocking side project, Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets, which featured guitar virtuoso Viper on lead guitar. Much controversey still remains to this day over Jesse's choice of Viper over the much heralded Danny "Mildew" Tanner, known for his erractic and often times dangerous yet brilliant acts of defiance on stage.
This brief period allowed Jesse to do some thinking and pursue other ventures, including radio DJ, club owner, and advertising executive, all of which he was incredibly qualified for, partenered each time with the mentally-retarded man-boy, Joey Gladstone.
It was not long though, before The Rippers reunited, once again with Jesse at the helm. At this point in the story, Jesse's creative genius began to flourish, and the band produced a hit single and music video for the song "Forever" written by Jesse. The song was influenced by a Beach Boys song of the same name, so much so, that it contained the exact same melody and lyrics. The song and accompanying video became so big that it brought on a tour to Japan. Jesse accrued some controversey however. During the band's signature opener, the epic rock opus "Help Me Rhonda," the Japanese cue cards Jesse was using fell, and in a moment of rage, he began listing off all of the Japanese products he could think of, seemingly to mock the Japanese. He was chased out of the country and never returned.
The Rippers never matched the chart success of "Forever" but they maintained a following that overshadowed even that of the Grateful Dead. They toured relentlessly for 15 more years, selling out arenas wherever they went. They eventually retired, but made 2 guest appearances, one at a benefit for the victims of a plane crash, victims that included Jesse's scheming cousin Stavros. They appeared again to play a concert to raise money to find a cure for niece Michelle's amnesia. It turned out all she had to do was hug an anthromorphic embodiment of her memory, that happened to look like her, but without The Rippers help, this may not have been possible.
To this day, Jesse and the Rippers may be the most important act to ever play a note, and while not enshrined in the Official Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, they have a plaque at Van Atta Juniot High in San Francisco and in the hearts of their millions---no, billions, of fans worldwide.
Scott Ian of the band Anthrax has called them "A....[band]?" as have their famous opening act, Human Pudding, whose "loud" brand of music has set a new standard of junior high rock and roll.
Jesse and the Rippers will never be forgotten for their impact on society, culture, and music, changing the landscape of humanity....."Forever....FOREVER!!!"
Peace Love and Understanding
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