In past blog entries, I have written about the types of people you will meet in college or the workplace, but now I present to my readers the types of people you will encounter out and about in your everyday lives. I came across these particular categories in one of Dr. David Thorpe's articles on bad music, and so I would like to share it with you. The following list details the various types of human beings you may meet or choose to befriend in your life. It explains their characteristics, so you can easily identify them, and gives strategies on how valuable they may be as friends.
1. Emo Kids: While we can all conjure up a mental image of a stereotypical Emo kid, with a tight sweater, hair dyed black, tiny jeans, and converse with "deep" lyrics Sharpied on, it can be difficult these days to tell emo kids from any other "alternative" morons. If you ask any of these people their favorite music artists, they will all respond with a list of bands you have never heard of. However, what sets the emo kids apart are their laundry list of bands with complete sentence names, such as "I Die in Agony" or "His Heart Goes Sour" or some nonsense like that.
If your friend claims they like a band that "used to be emo" or listens to several bands that are "kind of emo," or "they are emo-post-hardcore indie pop" then taken as a whole, that person is emo.
If you want to impress them, leave them flattering messages on MySpace, pretend to care about how "tortured" their life is, and be a member of the opposite sex who doesn't judge them. If you do all of these things, an emo kid will be your friend forever, unless you for some inexplicable reason actually try to reach out to them, in which case they get scared off and will never talk to you again, while holing themselves up in a small room.
Benefits of being friends with an emo kid include their willingness to listen to your problems for about 3 minutes before turning the conversation back on themselves, the bad poetry they will write you, and the endless parade of hilarious views and quotes that you can share with your sane friends.
Drawbacks of the friendship are obvious: They are really really really into the terrible music they listen to. With other hipster morons, you will get them to turn off Grizzly Bear and play some David Bowie, but with emo kids, once "Dying in Her Sleep" is done playing, it's right into "He Cuts Me Deep" and "This is My Last Wish."
There are many more parts to this section that will follow shortly.
Be on the lookout, because one of your friends may be like one of these types, or you may be one yourself!
Peace Love and Understanding
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