Guide To Surviving Mexico

Hello everyone, I am back writing again after a very hectic end of summer period. I did not feel inspired to write full article for the 2 final albums on my "Summer Albums" countdown, so I will tell you now that they were:

#2: "Carnival 99" by String Cheese Incident
and

#1: "The Mix-Up" by Beastie Boys


If you would like any sort of reasoning behind why I chose these albums, send me a message and I will send you back a personalized blog! hey how exciting!

In any event, I think I will get into today's topic: How to survive a trip to Mexico. Now, even though your old friend John has never been to Mexico, per se, I have seen enough Television and Taco Bell ads to give me a pretty good idea. Besides, assumptions are the best way to arrive at conclusions!

So, pretend for a second that you are an eager college student who wants to take a service trip to Mexico...what can you expect it to be like?

Transportation

Well, when you get there, you will want to take a bus to your destination. Buses in Mexico are not the sleek urban luxury vehicles that they are here in the ol' USA, rather they all seem to have been assembled sometime during Eisenhower's presidency, and resemble some makeshift escape craft the A-Team would have assembled while trapped in a cave filled with metal bars and duct tape.

When riding a Mexican bus, it should sound like an old freight train driving through a 500-ton mound of fire crackers, and should feel like a space shuttle re-entering earth's atmosphere with the windows rolled down. These features were carefully included by the Mexican Transit Authority.


Language

You obviously speak American, or as some nerds call it, English, but in Mexico everyone speaks a language refered to as "Mexican." Since learning a new language can be time-consuming and boring,the easiest way to get by in Mexico is to speak English with a Mexican accent. Then explain to the natives that you are simply a Mexican trying to learn English, and you are one of them. Once they buy your awesome lie, they will give you fantastic savings on whatever crap they are trying to sell.

If you find yourself in a bind and they start speaking intense Mexican to you, just nod your head, smirk, point at them and say: "ehh, Buenos Coches!" This is basically a cover-all term in Mexican that means "happy birthday," "how's it hanging?" "Yeah I hear ya" and many many others.

Staying Healthy

Many so-called "health board advisors" will try to tell you not to drink Mexican water simply because it not filtered, cleaned, or refined like in some "Civilized" countries. This is utter nonsense. What these science-types don't realize is that this is the original water that God put on Earth thousands of years ago, pure and without the scientific additions of things like fluoride or zinc. The parasites and dangerous diseases that fester in every ounce in Mexican water are simply things you should put in your body so you can quickly build up a resistance.

Also, Mexican water contains lots of other awesome items, that if picked out from a sifter can make your trip to Mexico more authentic such as:




Used condoms,
Tecate bottle caps,
Shotgun rounds (used),
Shotgun rounds (not used),
Blasting caps,
Gravel,
Tapeworms,
Small Mexicans.

More to come soon!